I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
