Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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