We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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