My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
