Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
