He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
