Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
