Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
