I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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