the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
