made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
