I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We got so high we made milksteak
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
and you fell through a lawn chair
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
