Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
