by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
