Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
