Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
