Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
