So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
