i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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