I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
