If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
