dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
