if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
