There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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