it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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