I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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