Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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