We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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