I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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