I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
