Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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