Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
