So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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