it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
