the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
smell my finger.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
