i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
