i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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