The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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