Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The beer is more important than you right now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
