Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
