Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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