just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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