i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
