I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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