he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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