He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize