remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
