i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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