I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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