More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
