It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
