I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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