I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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