Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
