I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
