He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
