I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
