Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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