you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
