I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
