she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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