I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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