if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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