What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
