I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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