I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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