you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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