I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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