Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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