Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
God, I missed his penis.
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