I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
