maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize