you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
