dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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