oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
